The QUIET..

Its past 12 in the night, and this is my time.. This is my favorite time in my whole day.. There is complete 'quiet'.. I can almost hear myself think.. This is awesome!!! My mom, tells.me, "you need to sleep early, when the kids sleep, you need to sleep", etc. Etc. Etc. I like to ask her shouldn't I be entitled for some quiet time to myself?? During the whole day, its one child after another needing me for something or other.. My life revolves around my babies, and I love that.. Don't get me wrong, but sometimes I need some "me time" to be the best mum I can be to my little ones.. I like to take that special time, from my sleep time.. I like being up, watching over my sleeping kids, listening to my sweetheart 'snore' (giggle) and feel the calm peaceful atmosphere.. They are beautiful.. They are resting and it is "QUIET"..

I never realized how much I missed the quiet, until I became a mom.. Being a stay at home parent seemed the right decision for me when I became a mom for the very first time at the age of 26.. I couldn't bear to leave my little girl, in the care of an outsider.. So I stayed home, took care of her and along came my elder son and then another son.. My youngest needs my attention a lot right now as he is still a little baby of seven months, but so does my 22 month old.. In the rush hour type way my entire day spins, I find myself needing a little rest for my soul rather than my body.. I have foregone a lot of the little comforts which I appreciated since I was a teen, like for an example, I love to drink my tea, warm and taking my time to enjoy each sip while I look out on the mountains from my childhood home, or in the company of my grand mother who would regale to me; accounts of her interesting yesteryear.. Or it would be in complete quiet with my faithful German Shepherd lying by my feet (unfortunately, my doggie Tarzan isn't here anymore.. But all the same, I remember fondly all the time we shared together).. I am a steadfast reader, and I love to read, recently all the time I have to read is the little books I read my kids.. Love it, but I miss my books (specially with a cookie in hand or a hot cocoa ;-) )

I know that I'm not alone in my thinking.. A lot of stay at home parents feel this way and they feel guilty for wanting an hour or two for themselves.. To be honest, I don't feel guilty for wanting to hold onto my identity.. I love being a mom, but I am an individual, with thoughts, emotions, needs and wants.. Just being a 'mother' can't stamp that out entirely.. My mother was a working mum and my siblings and I, needed to understand that.. I remember feeling let down, because she left me.. But being a mother myself now, I realize she became the 'best' mother she could be, by holding onto her career, than were she to leave it to take care of us.. She needed her career.. It didn't mean, she loved us any less, but it was her identity and parting with it was not an option.. I find my mother critical about my need to have an hour or two for myself, but I realize this is because, her 'me time' was all the time she spent away from home and from the time she came home, to us, the kids was all she attended to.. She doesn't understand and sometimes being a parent means not being able to see things in the same angle of a child.. I just want to say, if you are a stay at home parent and have a full brood on your hands and feel the need to have a few minutes to yourself now and then, don't feel guilty or feel you are being unfair to your children or a bad parent; you are a person.. You were someone who had a set of habits, likes, dislikes, and behaviors before being a parent.. And yes, we need to be the best parent we can to our children but that starts with a parent who is 'happy' themselves.. Kids are not chores.. Its a life long responsibility.. The tomorrow you dream about, that vacation you are going to have.. That long trip you will take, well, who knows?? Might work out, might not.. But today, the present, that's what matters.. So if you want some time to enjoy a cuppa tea, or breathe free for a few minutes, don't think twice and don't have bad feelings about it either.. The good Lord knows, we need a few minutes now and then.. I've spent mine writing, hoping someone in need would read it..